“I have so much control right now, but this reality is not realistic. My life is only kept in check by my fears of everything falling apart. “I am not healthy enough to find peace in chaos. And in motherhood, chaos is part of the routine.” The tears flowed freely as I read her article, one of the finest pieces on postpartum anxiety I’ve ever found. She knows me, I thought. I’m not alone. But the revelation failed to bring… Read more »

Little Ladies, It started as an ordinary day, our feet shuffling slowly through the kitchen as our bodies gradually shook off the hazy dust of slumber. We had just finished breakfast, Bible reading, catechism, and poetry review, and I was heading to the bathroom to get cleaned up for the rest of the day. You were both stationed under the kitchen table, gathering various strewn toys about you and shouting about treasure and secret hideouts and danger on the high… Read more »

To my Sweet Peas, The new year is well underway, and along with it, the burning pressure to DO ALL THE THINGS. So far this year I’ve added natural soy wax, clean-burning soy candle wicks, grass-fed beef gelatin, mini silicone molds, a light-up globe, an industrial-sized butcher paper roll, floating bookshelves, a reading teepee, and reusable snack bags (bye-bye, toxic plastic baggies) to my Amazon wishlist. Somebody stop me. I am goal-driven by nature, and I LOVE the kick in… Read more »

Crosbie Kayt, We’ve been in a rough patch lately. It’s no secret that you are my wild one, my second-born who loves to push limits and challenge authority and assert that stubborn little will of yours that’s been rearing its head since the day you came into this world, blue and beautiful.  That stubborn little will of yours is what makes you you, what sets you apart from your easygoing sister who is easy to please, easy to placate, and… Read more »

Sweet LaynieCakes, I joined a new club last week, one that’s been blinking on the periphery of my radar for years but somehow still managed to shock me with the swiftness of its arrival. I am officially a school mama. I’ve joined the ranks of those weary souls who find themselves deposited into the chaos that is Back to School season at Wal-Mart, who spend an entire day searching for beveled rulers and crayon boxes and the white erasers that… Read more »

LaynieCakes, I closely studied the two women checking out in front of me, my eyes veiled and afforded maximum stalking capabilities by the ever-present ball cap resting atop my head. They looked to be in their late fifties to early sixties, old enough to have garnered wisdom and experience and wrinkles, young enough to still look trendy and attractive. Their skin was deeply tanned, their nails were meticulously polished, and the older of the two, standing directly in front of… Read more »

May 27th, 2016 Dear Daughters, We woke up groggily this morning to the sound of rain pattering our windows and a slight draft slipping beneath our doors, penetrating our cozy little nest of warmth and solitude and prompting us to double check our calendars. Summer may be just around the corner, but it seemed this bleak and dreary morning had somehow slipped away from some future November and crept back in time to rap on our windows and tease our… Read more »

Crosbie Kayt, You didn’t sleep last week. You’ve been sawing logs like a pro for quite some time now, but last week you just couldn’t do it. You would go down for the night easily enough, but soon after you drifted off you would wake up screaming, and I could practically hear the words, “Mommy, come hold me!” in those screams. I would come pick you up, snuggle you until you were snoring again, lay you down gently, and tiptoe… Read more »

I hate the fair. I want so badly to love it because I have been so in love with the idea of it since I read Charlotte’s Web at the age of seven. The story’s entire conflict climaxes and resolves at the county fairgrounds, and the phrases printed on those pages are solely responsible for igniting my deep love of words, my lifelong obsession with descriptive language and imagery and connotation and onomatopoeia and juxtaposition and, be still my heart,… Read more »

  Precious Laynie, There is a sound that fills me with more dread than anything else I have yet heard in my 27 years… A sound that represents anxiety, suffering, frustration, long days, and sleepless nights… A sound that haunts the nightmares of every parent familiar with juvenile reactive airway disease… *Drumroll, please* The seal cough. It woke me up at 6 am Thursday morning, a few hours after you and I dragged our pillows to your bed in an… Read more »